Loving my husband

It has been 5 years and 5 children in the making.  Our marriage that is!  I am slowly learning how to be a wife that blesses my husband rather than a wife that hinders him.  It is hard.  I am stubborn.  I am not used to having a meek and quiet spirit.  I am not used to submitting.  I am not used to praying. 

I am used to crying, giving the silent treatment, getting upset and other not so awesome tactics to get my way.  I am used to leading because I don't think he will.  I am used to dwelling on his past mistakes, his insensitivities, his inadvertant unkindness.  I am used to holding things against him, even if it is just in my mind.  I am used to expecting him to help me.  I am used to expecting him to love me. 

I don't want my husband to come home to a cranky wife, a messy house and bratty children.  I want him to come home to an oasis that he loves and desires to come home to.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not a horrible witch with a filthy house - lol.  My house is usually clean.  My children are usually well behaved.  Dinner is usually on the table, and I am usually sweet.  But I can also turn on a dime. 

Why?  Because I am a sinner.  We all are, and we all have desires to change.  We can change.  I did.  I used to be a yeller.  I prayed and the Lord brought me through that and now it is rare that I yell at the kids.  I notice when other people yell at their kids, and that is when I silently thank the Lord for where He has brought me.  Now I have another goal.  I want to be a lover.  I want my husband to be blessed by me.  To be a true helpmeet.  To bless his vision and his life.  I want to have him fall in love with me all over again. 

Tomorrow is Day 1.  The first day of a glorious marriage.  I can't wait.  So my goal tomorrow is to smile every time I see him.  To bring that little flirtatous spirit back.  It doesn't sound hard, so hopefully I can succeed :o)